Sunday, March 1, 2009

Smoking - Mind Your Own Business

I enjoy cigarettes, especially with some alcohol, good company and/or after a protein-heavy meal. For those of you who give me dirty looks and make it a point to do a fake cough and wave your hand back and forth (as if to wave away the smell), f* you.

I remember when I was on a business trip and I lit one up in front of a name-less person who happens to be on the verge of obese, she said "ew, don't go near me," I really wanted to say, "You know what bitch, I didn't say at dinner that you probably should have gone with the salad instead of the cheeseburger" but I didn't right? Because it is none of my business whether your arteries get clogged with fat so it shouldn't be any of your business whether I smoke a cigarette. Would you like it if every time you got a second serving of that chocolate cake, I yelled "Oh I wouldn't do that if I were you, how about a celery stick instead?"

Or once when I met someone who just had about the worst fashion taste ever, and they saw me light up and said "You know that could kill you right" Well, I didn't say, "Well, how about shopping at Nordstrom's next time and not Mervyns?"

If you happen to be that person who makes a big stink when you see someone light up, think about your actions. Because I don't want to hear s* from you unless you are God.


  1. what about the person who has to smell your stinky-ass breath after you smoke? don't you think about that person much? wahahaha!!!

  2. That's what breath mints are for. And, if it allows me to get laid, I'm not going to complain.

  3. I like cheeseburgers and chocolate cake. Also, Mervyn's has gone out of business. Finally, what if I get a note from God and pass it along to you? Would that be okay?