Sunday, March 1, 2009

Smoking - Mind Your Own Business

I enjoy cigarettes, especially with some alcohol, good company and/or after a protein-heavy meal. For those of you who give me dirty looks and make it a point to do a fake cough and wave your hand back and forth (as if to wave away the smell), f* you.

I remember when I was on a business trip and I lit one up in front of a name-less person who happens to be on the verge of obese, she said "ew, don't go near me," I really wanted to say, "You know what bitch, I didn't say at dinner that you probably should have gone with the salad instead of the cheeseburger" but I didn't right? Because it is none of my business whether your arteries get clogged with fat so it shouldn't be any of your business whether I smoke a cigarette. Would you like it if every time you got a second serving of that chocolate cake, I yelled "Oh I wouldn't do that if I were you, how about a celery stick instead?"

Or once when I met someone who just had about the worst fashion taste ever, and they saw me light up and said "You know that could kill you right" Well, I didn't say, "Well, how about shopping at Nordstrom's next time and not Mervyns?"

If you happen to be that person who makes a big stink when you see someone light up, think about your actions. Because I don't want to hear s* from you unless you are God.

4 comments:

  1. what about the person who has to smell your stinky-ass breath after you smoke? don't you think about that person much? wahahaha!!!

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  2. That's what breath mints are for. And, if it allows me to get laid, I'm not going to complain.

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  3. I like cheeseburgers and chocolate cake. Also, Mervyn's has gone out of business. Finally, what if I get a note from God and pass it along to you? Would that be okay?

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