Tuesday, March 3, 2009

People who skimp on tip and tax when eating in large groups...yeah you know who you are

This will talk about two groups of obnoxious cheap people. Those who skimp on tax and tip when eating in large groups and it is dutch pay and those who take advantage of the situation when they know that the bill will be split equally amongst everyone there so they go all Dirty Harry buck wild with ordering the most expensive thing on the menu.

Let me talk about the first group of people who are tight fisted with the cash. When it is dutch pay, and for example, they order a meal and it is 9.95, and the bill comes, they put in 11 dollars. Hey motherfucker, that 11 dollars doesn't cover the tax and tip. You should generously put in at least 14-15 dollars. Don't think that I don't know who you are. So when the bill comes, some fool (usually me) ends up having to put in the extra dollars to cover that cheap bastard's refusal to put in the extra few bucks. Of course, when it is decided ahead of time that the bill will just be split equally amongst the number of people, there is always that one whiny little bitch who says "oh, but I didn't order a soda." You know what fucker, do you want some wine with that cheese? Oh, but I don't seem to remember you having a hard time eating some of my guacamole but you didn't order a soda, so you don't want to pay for that...right......? So fuck you to that cheap bastard who always whines like a little baby whose dirty diaper needs to be changed that they think that isn't fair. Oh god, there are little 5 year old Chinese kids who stitched that jacket you are wearing for 5 cents/hour and yet here you are, having a mass internal hernia because you don't want to split it equally because you didn't order a coke. What so you don't want to chip in the extra few bucks? So what are you going to do with those extra few bucks huh? Go back to your rented apartment and think that saved you enough to put a down payment on a house? So you have a little bitch hissy fit so we all grumble and go fine, and we whip out our little calculators on our cell phone where the key pads are so small we have to keep redoing the math which ends up wasting all of our times because you insist on paying dutch when the bill came out to $50 bucks and there are 5 people. Wow, instead of just being easy and being like hey everyone pay just 12 bucks, you want us to waste our time, so you can just put in your little fair share of 9 bucks. WOW, you saved yourself 3 bucks!!! Now you can go home and wipe your ass with those 3 bucks.

Then there are those tricky little bastards who know that it was established from the beginning that the bill will just be split equally amongst everyone there. Okay fine I have no problem with that because it just makes it easier on everyone. BUT I do have a problem with it when you take advantage of the situation and order the MOST EXPENSIVE thing on the menu because you know inevitably all those unfortunate souls around you will have to go in extra on the shrimp and lobster extravaganza plate you just ordered. Then, they go balls to the wall with ordering the alcoholic drinks. Not only do you (yeah you know who you are) just order beer but you get all crazzzzzy and order like the nutty house special drinks that are all colors of the rainbow. So you gulp them down, one after the other like there is no tomorrow. Then when the bill comes, you (yeah the person who is guilty of this is usually the one who takes charge and says all loudly, "I think we should just split this evenly amongst everyone here" because of course you want everyone to go in on your seafood plate your just ordered) get all giddy inside because you're like "Yes, I just ordered seafood enchiladas and five cocktails and am only paying 20 dollars" while I am sitting at the table bitterly paying 20 bucks for the 2 taco plate I ordered that cost 7.95 on the plate. All I have to say to those people who do this, you are such an asshole.

P.S. - If you are Korean, there is no excuse for being either of the two described above. God.


  1. Someone needs a hug. :)

    I'm usually in the latter situation. I don't order drinks, and I can't fit that much food in my belly. So my meals are usually around $10, while someone else orders appetizers, a main course, dessert, and a specialty liquor, and then wants to split the bill evenly. Really, dude? :|

  2. Y'all need new/better friends.

    Or ones that suck at math.

  3. we all have friends like that. i just avoid going out with people like that unless it's to catch up over some tap water.

  4. I agree with Peter. If you want to be the sole difficult one who insists dividing up the bill according to who bought what, then I have a tip for you. Leave early before the check comes but please don't intrude on my team because you want to be a stickler over a few bucks. Boo hoo, as I always say, there are bigger problems in the world.