I'm not supposed to be within two hundred feet of a school...or a Chuck E. Cheese.

So, like many an Asian, I'm a fan of the drink. By which I mean that I'm only not considered an alcoholic because some kind (most likely Irish) soul created the "social drinker." By which I mean, I can get 'bliviated at bars. I'm not all that picky, even the dive bars have their qualities, so I'm not exactly all that up on bar etiquette. So, it comes as quite a surprise to me that some bars, in Brooklyn of all places, let babies in. I guess it's kosher since they aren't drinking. Well, presumably some drunk dude ain't pouring beer into their sippie cups.

Which is totally hilarious, but I have no idea who did that.

Babies. Freakin' lightweights.

Personally, I find that dangerous. Not because of health per se, or because somebody's going to accidentally step on a crawling tyke. I mean dangerous for me. When I'm in a bar and I'm trying to stick my dick in anything that moves, well, there are certain assumptions that go along with that. For one, it should be a designated zone, ID only, so I can be sure that everybody in that motherfucker is over 21. I don't have time to be checking that shit.

It's quite simple, if I'm going to get accused of rape, it's not going to be statutory (baby) rape. Even I have standards.

I mean it's loud in there, and you got strangers and weird smells. Keep those babies away. And dogs.