Written and Directed By

So, how many BET Awards will this win?

Slightly inebriated in Hermosa

I'm in Hermosa and I guess I didn't get the memo that St. Patrick's Day started three days early. Which means that the streets are filled with white people in green. I'm pretty sure they're not all Irish, and just using this as an excuse to drink. That's bullshit. You shouldn't need an excuse to drink; and you're a loser if you do. I may be alcoholic, but at least I'm an honest alcoholic.

It's an embarrassment. Do these D-bags drink on every ethnic holiday using it as an excuse? Cinco de Mayo? Si. Martin Luther King Jr. Day? I bet these guys pour a forty in the gutter for their fallen homie.

Fuck these guys. If you're ambiguously white, be ambiguously white. Don't try to be the Koreans of Europe.  They got it tough enough as it without your pasty douche ass.

Ultimate Korean Girl

There are Korean girls (like me) and then there are Ultimate Korean Girls (not like me). Now, I am not hating. These are just merely observations through my years of living in Los Angeles discerning between the two. My two best friends are Korean and I love being Korean. I just think we are nonsense sometimes.

You are an Ultimate Korean Girl if you meet most of the criteria below:

• all your girlfriends are Korean (and I mean every single one of them)
• you have the K-town accent
• it is imperative you own at least one (very) high end article of clothing that visibly shows the logo
• your sunglasses are either Gucci, Chanel or Christian Dior (with the emblem very clearly displayed)
• you envy other Korean girls who have something you don't (or can't) have
• Your boyfriend (who is Korean) has bought you a Gucci, Channel, Prada or Christian Dior bag at least once
• You don't think twice about paying when you are with your boyfriend
• you are not cheap
• you are generous
• you spend ridiculous amounts of money on gifts for your boyfriend (amount that is way beyond your means)
• you own a BMW or are saving up like nobody's business to own one
• you won't date a Korean unless they own at least a BMW
• you have numerous photos of you and your girlfriends at Korean clubs (it's all smoky too in the background because of the cigarette smoke)
• you smoke cigarettes
• you wear thick black eyeliner that you tip off at the end (to make it look extra bitchy)
• you either have chemically treated straight hair or an artificial perm
• you own about 10 different black pants (they are all strikingly similar)
• you are most likely shorter than 5'5"
• going to a Korean club is a must at least once a weekend (going to a white club that is having an Asian night doesn't count as a Korean club either)
• you drink only soju, crown, patron
• you look like you are ready to kill any other Korean girl who is at least cuter than you
• when you see other Korean girls who happen to have white friends, you hate and call them white-washed
• you have no social skills outside of being with your fellow Ultimate Korean Girlfriends because you don't really know how to communicate with people if they are not Korean
• you are skinny (can either also be grossly underweight)
• if you work with non-Koreans, you refuse to befriend them and don't really talk to them other than saying the obligatory "how was your weekend" when you run into them

YASSLA

Having been exposed to Rockville, CA in a reading I had to do in an official capacity (I was forced to read an article), I was moderately interested in seeing it. Having seen the trailer, that moderate interest has fallen, down to less than morbid.



The official description lists it as thus:

Club Rockville is a place where a group of twentysomethings from diverse backgrounds gather regularly to hear their favorite up-and-coming bands, blow off steam, fall in love with the wrong people, and then talk about how they've fallen in love with the wrong people.

The web-based series takes place at a club in LA. One that seems entirely staffed and frequented by white people. I'm not not down with white people, but that's not diverse. Unless, of course, one of them happens to be a quarter Korean and just totally looks white. But, everyone knows that doesn't count.

Now, I know it's Josh Schwartz, so I know that it's going to be white people all the time. But, c'mon, the black guy is the bouncer and doesn't speak? And it's set in LA? I'm sorry, but this isn't the only music club in Avoca, Nebraska after all.

The worst part of it though, is that none of it looks any better than what my friends and I do on the weekends. Only they don't call each other gay as much. Or threaten to rape each other if we B.O.P.O..

Unlucky in love, check. Getting a major burn from talking to a chick, check. Major league douchyness, check. Being the only Asian person* in the group, check.

It's like my life, only with significantly better looking people. And less of a chance of getting anally violated in my sleep. I mean, the writing and cast are completely generic, and while the acting isn't as bad as I've seen it, I've seen my friends say more clever (also creepy) things while inebriated.

Anybody else think that chick with glasses is going to be a fan of Lisa Loeb?

Just because it's cheaper to put on a web-series, doesn't mean you should. Even if you are a professional.

*Technically we had two quarter Koreans, so it was 1.5 Asians.

1992 LA Riots in Koreatown

Can't remember how I stumbled upon this video... maybe it was all the K-Town talk. And you know me, I'm usually an upbeat kind of guy, but I wanted to share this video from the 1992 LA Riots as a way to appreciate the relative peace we have today, and as a reminder of a time in history that we should not easily forget. For more info: Google "LA Riots" or check out the wikipedia link: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/1992_Los_Angeles_riots

Here's the video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iGv87lE-DMY&feature=PlayList&p=5E1AEEEA61C3568C&playnext=1&index=11

The K-Town Accent

Everybody has heard of different accents like an English or Spanish accent. But has anybody ever noticed the "K-town accent"? If not, if you know a Korean male or female with any of the below characteristics, they will most likely have a K-town accent:

• Grew up in the LA area (Koreans who grew up in the valley, i.e. Chatsworth, Granada are repeat offenders of the K-town accent)
• Was born in the States (so they have ABSOLUTELY no reason to have an accent, period. If they came to the States when they were 6+ years and older, they are excused)
• Goes to Koreatown at least once a weekend to go clubbing (at a Korean club)
• Smokes cigarettes
• Only drinks Crown or Patron
• When you look at their Facebook friends, they don't have a single non-Korean friend, and if they do, he/she is most likely just a work friend
• REFUSE to befriend non-Koreans (unless they are being pc at the workplace)
• Definitely own a car whose value is way beyond their means
• Posts photos on Facebook that only show them at Korean clubs (and there is most likely a Korean in the background smoking)
• Every other word out of their mouth is "nahhhh" or a cuss word

It is hard to describe this accent but it most resembles a Valley accent. They make each word very short, don't annunciate very clearly, especially the R's and L's. They also tend to make every other word or so, very low in tone (having just a cutesy high-pitched voice is not the K-town accent, she is most likely just a FOB and is trying to be cute). K-town accent-ers also tend to speak fairly fast, most likely always include a "wtf," "oh really" and/or "i was like" in the middle of their sentences.

For example, if I went to a club this weekend and somebody asked me what I did, I would say "I went to this new club with my friends and hung out." A K-town accent-er would most likely answer it like this, "I went to Prince with my girlfriends and they made us pay for valet and I was like, no f* way, WTF?"

If you meet a K-town accent-er, keep an ear out for the way they talk. Of course, if they don't have any of the characteristics above, they most likely will not speak with a K-town accent.