You're confusing enough as it is.

I think there should be a moratorium on women using the term "girlfriend." I don't mean that they shouldn't have friends that are girls, but it just makes it confusing. I mean, I really don't want to have to buy you drinks and listen to you drabble on about how one of your girlfriends did this or that, and then find out that you're a "little bit gay" and that the real reason you were in the bathroom so long wasn't because that's what girls do, but because you were giving your real phone number to the woman in the stall next to you, and I get the fake one. Yeah, I sent in a ringer, so I know what really went on. What of it? That's why women as wingmen help by the way.

Just keep it clear. If you really need to talk about a friend, she's a friend. If she's a girlfriend, it should mean you're gay. I mean, what are the chances that I have to hit on the lesbian in a freakin' Western bar? I mean, I know about Brokeback and all that, but c'mon what are the odds? If I have to be the minority in there, that should be enough.

You're hard enough to understand as it is. I don't need the English language mucking things up for me.