What time is it?

Today I will be blogging about those people who love to talk about themselves and hold no conversational skills. I like to call these people "People who tell you how to build a clock instead of just telling you the time." Like when I ask you (you as in you are just an acquaintance or someone I need to do obligatory talk with) how was your weekend, I only want to know if something extraordinary happened. Like if you met the Dalai Lama, I want to know that. If you won the lottery, okay cool, that is nice to know too. What I don't want to hear is inane, mundane, nonsense talk, nor do I want to hear you break down every day of the weekend and tell me what you did on each day.

For example, I don't want to hear "So Friday night I went out with my girlfriends because it was girlfriend night out. We watched "Sleepless in Seattle," cracked open a new bottle of wine I have been saving up and ate mushroom tartes. Then I went to bed like at 1:30am and woke up on Saturday to make some pancakes. After I had pancakes, I went for a little jog on this new trail my friend told me about. That was tiring and I had to shower afterwards. Since I had some time left over, I straightened my hair. I know, I was feeling crazy right?"

Oh my fucking god, are you kidding me? Like just say I hung out. I don't friggin care. That was the most boring story I heard in my life and if that was exciting for you and you thought it was worthy enough to take 10 minutes to tell me, you really need some basic social skills 101. Now, don't say "well then if you don't care, don't ask." No, hey dick, how about you are just boring and don't know how to tell a funny story. I don't think most people understand how boring they are. If you are funny, you can tell that above story and be make me laugh. If you are that funny person, you are probably my friend. Just say "My wknd was uneventful, I would have rather sucked donkey balls." See? That tells me you did something boring, like described above and you are considerate enough not to bore me with it.

Also, there are people who just ask questions because they only want you to ask them back so they can talk both of your ears off. They will say "what did you do this wknd" and I will say "not much" and then they go off "oh well this is what I did" (see boring story above). God, why can't people just get a clue?

Then there are people who are just as boring as a brick wall and have no conversational skills (this applies to many Asians because they tend to be socially awkward). If you ask them, "so where did you grow up," they say "LA." WOW REALLY? Do you have any skills? This is when you say "Oh LA, how about you?" This is how you hold conversations people.

I also abhor people who only like to talk when it is something they are interested in, and if they aren't, they get really irritated because they can't open their Chatty Cathy lips. Like really, people, including myself, are not all that interesting so don't think that you are and that the rest of the world wants to hear about your stupid, irrelevant life.

Having a conversation with people, does not mean it is an open forum for YOU to unzip your lips and talk about how you made vegetable soup this weekend.